“After this day, I had a much-needed conversation with my kids. Up until this point they didn’t realize how sick I was [so, I told] them I was sick, very sick, and that my doctor was telling me that the best thing I could do for my health was sleep and rest. So, mama was going to be doing less around the house and sleeping more. This meant they’d need to help out a bit more around the house and allow me to rest and heal up.
Slowly, we were figuring out a new pattern during this difficult time. Sometimes, well if I’m being honest most of the time, it was really difficult and frustrating for all of us. And there were tears. So many tears. Some of anger. But some healing too. There still is. But through it all, back then in April and now in November, God keeps reminding me that while I don’t have it all together, He surely does!“
The above was taken from Excerpts from and Introvert’s Journal – Part 2, where I shared the hardships it put on myself as a mama and the hardships that my kids have had to struggle through during this time.
As a mama of four I have constantly had to remind myself of those words journaled on April 28th of last year, “Be brave. Get the help and rest you need.”
It may seem odd that resting was brave for me. But it was. It so was. It meant letting go. Letting go of my ideals. Letting go of my habits. Letting go of my desires.
It meant being okay. Being okay with a messy house. Being okay with missing out on things that I would not normally allow myself to miss and didn’t want to miss. Being okay with my weaknesses. And not only being okay with them but admitting them. And admitting them meant being okay with disappointing myself and the people I love most.
It has been hard to disappoint my kids on a regular basis. I have felt like a bad mom over and over again. But none of this surprises God. He knew this was all going to happen. And just as God called me to be the mom to these four gifts of mine, He has called them to be my children.
God called us to be a family, and as a family we’ve learned many things during this season. One of those being grace.
My children have extended grace after grace to me, as I need to choose rest over going to a soccer game or a wrestling match. When I need to choose rest over dress shopping for the homecoming dance. When I need to choose rest over playing a family Nerf gun battle. When I need to choose rest instead of pulling my weight around our home and need to sit on the couch while the rest of my family fills our wood room, so we stay warm throughout the winter. When we eat another gluten free, dairy free, oil free, sugar free, – “grass food” as they call it – meal because it’s what is best for my health. So many graces towards me, and so many sacrifices for them as we choose my health over what we’d rather have or do.
And I have learned to extend them grace. The grace to not have to keep up with everything I did before my health weakened me. Friends, my house has been so messy lately. So. MESSY. And yes, it drives me a little bit crazy, but I so understand the need for rest, and I know they are all tired too.
Grace right now looks like nights with a counter full of dirty dinner dishes, a laundry basket of clothes that need to be folded, and bedrooms that need to be cleaned; all being ignored as we pop a massive bowl of popcorn put in a movie, snuggle up on our couch, and let our minds escape reality for an hour or so as we just sit in rest and stillness alongside each other.
My family, my four babes, have been so good at taking care of me and loving on me. They have lived out the verse that opened this post. They have had compassionate hearts towards me, they have extended kindness and patience, and have taken such good care of me during my time of unhealth and weakness. They have put themselves aside time and again and lived out…
*All biblical references are ESV unless otherwise noted.